The verse of the day encourages us to look at the root of our life and faith. Recently, I have been pushing myself to get to the root of my flaws and insecurities. This hasn’t been a fun process by any means, yet I have continuously grown throughout. Recently, my character and integrity was attacked. It wasn’t the first time I’ve had to fight lies but for some reason this one cut sharply. I won’t go into details but instantly I knew this was a spiritual battle. Instead of fighting in my flesh, I looked internally and asked myself why did it hurt me so? There were weeds at the root I hadn’t dealt with and the results were choking my fruit.
For years, I looked for my joy in people, relationships, and my career. Essentially I turned my life into an idol. I was living for me and never satisfied. I liked Jesus. I claimed I loved him, but he wasn’t the root of my life. When I rededicated my life to the Lord in 2016, He began a pruning process in me. For months I was surface in my faith. My flesh would still win consistently in everything spiritual that would be thrown at me. I didn’t trust God or appreciate the blessings he gave me in that season. I thought I needed more. I couldn’t be content in being the assistant manager for the department, I had to compete with my boss because there was a better way. I couldn’t love my coworker because she always had a bad attitude. I couldn’t just be at peace and trust my boyfriend loved me and wanted to be with me, if he loved me that much he should want to marry me. Who did I think I was, God? The verse of the day in the message version is below. Paul is very straightforward with his counsel. 
“Take what you have an be grateful. Be rooted in Jesus. Don’t talk about your faith and love for Jesus, you’re past all that walk it!” Is what it loosely translates to. It took me 18 months to understand what my the weeds around my roots were: I was insecure about being my true self; I didn’t think I was enough and always needed more; and I had been lied to in love so much that I didn’t trust it. All of these things are roots but I was killing the fruit.
Thinking I had to be a certain size to be accepted forced me into unhealthy eating and dieting habits, even weight loss surgery. Now I have accepted this is who I am and I love it. I am not unhealthy my body is just built differently and that’s ok. My personality isn’t typical for a woman and men often chastise me about it because of their insecurities. I’ve even been counseled by a woman that I need to soften myself so I can get married. I laugh at that now but for years I settled for discount men and lessened myself to just have someone. Only two men in my life have really just wanted the real me. The bold me. The me that is “too much” for everyone else. That insecurity ran deep. It didn’t really click until the counterfeit relationship this summer. At the beginning me being bold and strong was what he loved about me. Everyone loved him. Then his ego was bruised because someone at church (🙄) commented he wasn’t strong enough for me. He flipped the script and started trying to act controlling. Now you got the right one for all of that foolishness because I shut it all the way down. I realized that I had discounted myself to someone who couldn’t really take supporting me and my call. I realized that who I was would disappear with him. So when he broke up with me I was relieved and moved on rather quickly. I realized how valuable I am and how much of a good thing I will be to the one who is called to marry me.
These insecurities poped up again in my career. I work in a male dominated field and I’m often the one keeping the department together. My tenacity brought out the insecurities in those I served. However, I saw the real issue the insecurities in me were being attacked by the insecurities in them. My flesh wanted to be right, but my spirit learned to be humble.
That was the spiritual battle I spoke of at the beginning of the post. In Proverbs 3:34 the wisdom is clear “the Lord mocks the mockers and is gracious to the humble”. When you let insecurities rule you and forget that you are rooted in Jesus, you become a mockery. In this battle I kept my peace. I spoke the truth. I saw it for what it was. Here’s the kicker. Now I have to stay low and serve those who attacked me and my name. Oh my flesh wants to be petty. My flesh wants to spew insults. My flesh wants to see fleshly justice. However, the woman I have become in God has a spirit that would not and could not rejoice in that. This morning while praying I started to understand these weeds suffocating the fruit I was producing. I’m in the pruning process getting ready to reap the harvest because I am good soil. I had to get these weeds out of my life before they killed me and who I was to become in God. This spiritual battle showed me to fertilize those insecurities with forgiveness. All though your fears spoke against me they shall no longer define me. I called up and forgave in prayer those involved in this battle for I know it was not them I was fighting, but the insecurities rooted in their spirit. I am still serving and working because I am doing it unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). I will do so in excellence and I will do so in joy. That’s the real win!
If you live for man your life is worth nothing. Often we see what we do and who we are with as accomplishments rather than ministry, but it’s the exact opposite. Ministry is the reflection of Christ through us. Matthew 5:14 says we are the light of the word and cannot be hidden. 
If that reigns true, then our lives are a ministry and we must reflect the spirt of Christ in all things. I know I’m being called to greater but I must stay humble and grateful in the place I am now. No, my life won’t get better because I have a better job, more money, or even a husband. My life is better because I am rooted in Jesus and my faith is being walked out in evidentiary ministry. That’s what Christ meant, my opinion when he spoke ” the harvest is plenty but the workers are few” 
There is plenty of good God wants to do in your life, but your fruit can not be harvested when you allow the weeds of your flesh to choke its growth. You are good ground. Do the work and prune the weeds. The harvest is still coming.
Now don’t fool yourself and think the pruning is the hard part. That’s just the beginning of harvesting. You have to watch your ground and when your fruit comes in its season you will have to cultivate it and take care of it being careful not to let it sit on the vine and spoil.
I see the harvest season on my horizon and I’m in my field doing the work.
Stay positive. Send love. Be blessed.
Proverbs 30.99999 