Recently, Harvey Weinstein is in the news because he has been accused of sexual harassment and the internet is going crazy on all sides. Women are coming forward with the #metoo hashtags exposing the rape culture for what it is in this country. Hollywood is blackballing him faster than the Delta’s did that one freshman who showed up to move in with a “Future Delta” t-shirt on. Finally, men are having “shop talk” about how he “Risked it all”. I expected the first two reactions with no real issue but the last one has me in a little bit of a tizzy. It seems like “risk it all” has become the new rallying cry for being reckless. It seems as if risking it all for a brief moment of anything is a staple in society.
Risk it all was coined in the Urban Dictionary in 2011 and it is defined by “laying it all out on the line. “ Personally, I hate the term. I don’t hate it because of its connotation, I hate it because it’s a cover-up for sexualizing women. In the past month I have been told several times the bottom half of my anatomy makes “a nigga man want to risk it all”. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I don’t know what these “men” are referencing, as being shaped like a pear is a family trait. Yet, there is so much more to me than the product of grandma’s cooking.
These men have been in relationships, married, or engaged and made me sick to my stomach to hear this “compliment” directed towards me. I am a beautiful, educated, woman of God who has all her ish together and these “Christian” men want to risk it all to sin with me. I am not flattered and I’m the one that would have the convo with your significant other about your reckless behavior out of respect.
I have been seriously struggling with addressing my worth not in God, but with what I am portraying to men. I have beat myself up daily about what I am wearing or how I am acting. I have purposely stopped wearing certain things because in the church culture, I am the issue and I am causing a man to fall into temptation (yeah ok mother). I have been called a flirt by “(female) friends” because I care about people and offer my smile and a hug when I encounter people of the opposite sex. I have feelings for someone and I can’t read theirs (or I’m impatient) and it frustrates me daily. These are my daily thoughts and struggles… Yet, the men who find me attractive don’t want to take me out, have a conversation, or wife me…. They want to risk it all for a brief stint of physical pleasure with my lower anatomy. I have sat in my apartment and cried because this is what men have reduced me to. I feel unprotected and exposed by men who on social media claim to love and respect the black woman (read queen). But that’s why I don’t worship men (anymore…check the blog history for that one) I worship God.
I have made peace with my #wait. I am a more than good enough to be covered in prayer, taken out on dates, meet your mama, and get your last name before you “risk it all”. That’s my worth. God gave it to me. See with me there is no risk, I’m a good thing. I’m a reward for risking it all to God. See when you find me you find that good (God) thing that brings you so much favor it seems like everything you ever desired falls in your lap. The problem is that’s a risk not a lot of men want to take. I have really been in Matthew 6:33 and seeking the kingdom of God. If I could translate it into modern Ebonics (read black folk vernacular) it would say “Bruh, risk it all for God and trust him and what he’s doing and he’s got you for EVERYTHING. #FRF”.
What troubles me more than anything is how many women find self love and worth from this backhanded compliment. Queen do better. “Risk it all” diminishes the worth of God’s creation. Women were created for much more than a 5 minute risk. We are helpers, prayer warriors, encouragers, harvesters, and daughters of THE King. Wouldn’t you want to gain it all for the risk to God?
Stay Positive. Send Love. Be Blessed.